Having already had one drunken crying jag this week, where I angsted over my substance abuse issues and chronic singularity (sorry Mike - thanks for listening though!) I wasn't planning to spend this Saturday night mired in a swamp of self-analysis and misery.
Nor have I - well not exactly - but I haven't exactly had fun, either.
The night opened with me I watching Collingwood beat Sydney in the first round of the AFL finals; all well and good (hot Pies!) after which I headed down to Abbotsford gay bar, The Laird, with a mate for a couple of drinks.
It's no surprise that I didn't really relax there: long-term friends would know that I've never really been entirely comfortable in gay bars, which I don't think is attributable to any hangover from the internalised homophobia I used to battle - not these days, at least.
I think it's more because I've spent so much of my life - the formative stages of my adult life, particularly in my 20s - socialising in straight clubs, seeing bands, whatever. The whole 'everyone is subtly checking everyone else out' cruising vibe of The Laird, like most gay clubs, is not something I'm competely comfortable with, for a variety of reasons.
Then I moved on to Lambs Go Bar, in the hope of catching up with another mate, but he couldn't make it. While I was there, though, I also felt out of place, because I was an average of 10-15 years older than everyone else there. Is this the real reason the middle-aged disappear from our radar, because they subtly, perhaps even conciously, feel they no longer belong so they retreat home, to a safe and controllable environment?
I don't want to become fossilised, so I intend to keep going out; but at the same time, I don't want to become old and sad and tragic and still trying to be down with the kids when it's clear I should have been put out to stud ages ago.
Essentially, I'm flumoxed. Oh well, getting drunk seems like a perfectly adequate temporary solution...
6 comments:
Whoah!
"still trying to be down with the kids when it's clear I should have been put out to stud ages ago." Says you not them. Aging is a fact of life and you or anyone else should not think what you do is not age-appropriate.
"the middle-aged disappear from our radar, because they subtly, perhaps even conciously, feel they no longer belong so they retreat home, to a safe and controllable environment?" is tosh too and you should not feel bad. You still want to do and will do the bar thing but you are adding to your perspectives, quite natural, as you grow older you expand your thinking and experience. Do what you enjoy doing and don't fall into a kind of "Death in Venice" state of mind.
If you do get put out to stud though, I would'nt mind your 'ahem' services.
'Do what you enjoy doing and don't fall into a kind of "Death in Venice" state of mind.'
Don't worry, Anon, I'm not waiting to die. :-)
'If you do get put out to stud though, I would'nt mind your 'ahem' services.'
Flattery? More! More!
Richard,
the type of clubs you socialized at in your 20s were not exactly dull heterosexual paradises. Its not as those people wern't checking each other out there either -- its just that since they tended to draw the same crowd every week you could check each other out simply by using your imagination after a while.
I think middle age people go off the radar because they get sick of sitting around in loud stinky bars/clubs after a while getting drunk and trying to be cool. Why not do it somewhere nice? Why not be yourself? This is especially so if your interests are out of the mainstream, which, incidentally, I'm sure yours are, excluding that horrible game you watch on Saturdays. You are not exactly going to meet someone you can have a good discussion with about the intricacies of the local Melbourne theatre scene by random occurence at pubs very often, let alone strike up a conversation with them even if you did meet them (how would you know they were interested in that?).
The other thing I think becomes harder is picking up -- so this down with kids attitude is really wrong. The fact that you're 40 now means you probably have a much better idea of what you want (i.e., a big hairy guy that doesn't act gay but enjoys the arts, and is at least relatively intelligent). cf. when you were 18 -- a big hairy guy that you could have sex with.
Bugger, after being ditched on saturday night by everyone I should have tried to make contact.
We definately have to catch up soon. Are you going to Witness this saturday?
DUP - yeah, I'm thinking about it, being their 8th birthday and all...
For us who have no intention of slowing down our social lives (and strongly believe that a club/bar culture can go hand in hand with higher culture) you are an inspiration.
That sounds a bit wanky, but an eclectic mix of people is what usually makes places like lambs go more appealing than Brunswick street.
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